Drama Queen Alert

A new home..

2011-01-06T21:08:00.002+08:00

I decided it was high time for a new blog.
Dramatothemama.com was going on 5 years old now. That's longer than any of my relationships.
I figured a new year warrants a change. I'm still the same though. A lot older, a little more wiser, but still with a penchant for drama, flair and rubbish.
Therefore I'm moving here. To cindersmuses.wordpress.com.
My new home. Thank you for sticking with me, no matter where my address is.
xoxo
Cinders

..Question..

2010-12-16T21:49:00.000+08:00

Book excerpt:

Question A. Is it mutual banging, an affair, or a relationship?

Answer. Mutual banging is for fun and gratification.

An affair is more in-depth, and something you may or may not think may lead to something else. But its generally what you have until the juice runs out or you move on.

And a relationship is something you put effort into, its making and maintaining a connection. You can have elements of the first two in a relationship, but its more that the sum of those parts.

Definitely pondering,
xoxo
Drama Mama

..A Gift..

2010-11-17T13:25:00.000+08:00

I don't think you tell someone you love them because you expect something.

I think you tell them because you have something to give.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Shooting Star..

2010-11-13T14:21:00.000+08:00

Ever since starting up Mischief and having a taste of what it feels like to be your own boss, I find myself going through a little personality transformation.

I no longer have the tolerance for slack. Which is rather ironic seeing as how when I was on the employee end, I was a advocate of slack. :p

I try very hard to exercise some sort of restraint, but I cannot help but feel serious irritation when in the face of people with (as my father puts it) "drive". Granted some people are happy in roles that do not require them to risk career and finance status, but I see many who are in positions to succeed, and they rather whinge and b*tch than step-up and power forward. Hmm...

Another thing I've learnt about myself? I'm not happy being stagnant. I think peoples lives are meant to be in constant motion. Whether it be by leaps and bounds or by little baby steps theres meant to be 'some' sort of progress. No? Yes, sometimes routine can be comfortable. But stay in that routine for long periods of time, and I think you become complacent, in a rut type situation. Which I can honestly say, is not for me.

I want to break sound barriers. Shatter glass ceilings.

And I'm going to. You're welcome to join me on the journey.

Or stay behind and watch my star burn as it streaks across the sky.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Pray..

2010-10-20T13:14:00.001+08:00

Its your job to figure out how to pray. I think you must relate to a creation that's more than you, or you can't accomplish other things in life. How you name it is insignificant. What you're doing to accomplish those prayers is what counts.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Madonna..

2010-10-14T00:18:00.000+08:00

I hear you call my name. I say a little prayer.

Sorry.

I can't answer you back right now.

Please try again later.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Please..

2010-10-04T00:12:00.000+08:00

All that I ask, is for your heart to be filled, with only me.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Mistake..

2010-10-04T00:03:00.000+08:00

My mistake was floating towards your body because of the power of seduction.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Honestly..

2010-10-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

Truth is...

I'm equally as guilty as you are..

So who am I to point a finger?

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..A Cynic..

2010-09-26T21:42:00.000+08:00

Cynicism is easy and cheap. Its nothing more than an excuse for underachievement.

Its easier to criticize others than do your part to fix a tough problem. Cynicism gives decent people an out. They can assume a posture of moral superiority without ever getting their hands dirty coming up with real solutions.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Marley..

2010-09-25T12:44:00.000+08:00

Mend it, don't end it.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Push..

2010-09-23T14:22:00.001+08:00

If we don't ever push the parameters of our lives, how can we grow as human beings? God smiles at us when we reach for the stars, even if we don't quite manage to touch them. Our very willingness to make the attempt shows we aren't taking life for granted. That we've kicked up our heels, howled at the moon, and honored the sacredness of this gift we've been given.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Cowardice..

2010-09-23T14:22:00.000+08:00

When did we get the idea that disposable relationships were all right? Shouldn't people have figured out by now that its not going to be easy? Relationships take hard work. It takes sacrifice and commitment.

I hate it when people try to bail out without a fight. It's emotional cowardice, and it violates everything out lives should be about. Doesn't anybody have a backbone anymore?!

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Recognition..

2010-09-22T18:29:00.000+08:00

You can know somebody all of your life and never truly know them.

And yet, you can meet someone and know who they are and what they're all about in an instant.

Would you give up everything built upon, for the chance of a bigger future?

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Smooth..

2010-09-19T23:26:00.000+08:00

Give me your heart, make it real, or else forget about it.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..7 Secrets of Happiness..

2010-09-19T20:12:00.000+08:00

Secret #7

The seventh secret of happiness is to let go of the past. You don't have to forget the past or pretend it never happened. You just have to keep moving onwards and keep looking to the future.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Attraction..

2010-09-17T14:46:00.000+08:00

A clean slate will never happen for me.

True love never dies, does it? It only sits down in the corner of your m ind and stops talking quite so loudly.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..7 Secrets of Happiness..

2010-09-17T14:43:00.000+08:00

Secret #6

The sixth secret of happiness is to see the beauty in small things. Appreciate the little things that we mostly take for granted. The way the waitress at our local coffee shop remembers just how we like our latte. The cooking your partner does for you. The way your dog greets you at the door everyday. Enjoy it. Appreciate it.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..7 Secrets of Happiness..

2010-09-17T02:27:00.001+08:00

Secret #5

The fifth secret of happiness is good deeds. In other words, go about treating others like how you want to be treated. From friends & family to strangers on the street. If you do good, you will attract good.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..

2010-09-16T21:44:00.000+08:00

We move in and out of love all the time. That doesn't make any of those times less real.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..7 Secrets of Happiness..

2010-09-16T21:29:00.001+08:00

Secret #4

The fourth secret of happiness is to hold on your friends. When all the love and romance is ripped out of your life, your true friends will be the ones who keep you from shattering into a trillion pieces.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..7 Secrets of Happiness..

2010-09-16T20:41:00.001+08:00

Secret #3

The third secret of happiness is to get rid of negative emotions. Banish envy, stop holding grudges and any other horrible feelings/thoughts that will poison you like a bad toxin to your bloodstream.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..7 Secrets of Happiness..

2010-09-16T20:21:00.001+08:00

Secret #2

The second secret of happiness is good health, of both the body and the mind.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..7 Secrets of Happiness..

2010-09-16T17:44:00.001+08:00

Secret #1

The first secret of happiness is to be emotionally independent. You can't expect another person to MAKE you happy or to GIVE you happiness. Or even just ALLOW you to be happy, as if you've got to ask their permission or something. You've somehow got to create happiness within yourself and let nobody else touch it or take it away.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Dixie Chicks..

2010-09-15T15:18:00.001+08:00

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

I'm through with doubt
There's nothing left for me to figure out
I've paid a price
And I'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice
I'm not ready to back down
I'm still mad as hell and
I don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
'Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can't you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

..Shame..

2010-09-15T02:12:00.000+08:00

Shame shame on you shame shame on you,
Took my heart as a token when return it was broken hide your face shame on you
Shame shame on you shame shame on you

-Faron Young-
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..

2010-09-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

God save me from difficult decisions..
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..2 Days in Paris..

2010-09-14T10:52:00.000+08:00

Quotes from the movie..

It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing.

It hurts so much.

When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is.

One more, one less. Another wasted love story.

Break up,break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well.

There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can't live without him.

..OMG..

2010-09-13T17:07:00.000+08:00

Oh my God what have I done..

Note to self: NEVER make rash decisions based on assumptions!!
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Hidden message..

2010-09-13T13:07:00.000+08:00

Trouble

2010-09-13T06:03:00.000+08:00

Because u didn't say the things I wanted to hear.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

...

2010-09-12T23:38:00.000+08:00

My mind has been made up.

Sorry.

xoxo
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Devil May Cry..

2010-09-12T13:30:00.000+08:00

You can't hate to the extreme I do without having loved someone first.

When all that hatred is shoved aside, is there any love left?

I honestly don't know..

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Freedom..

2010-09-12T00:27:00.000+08:00

Part-time love just brings me down.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

...

2010-09-12T00:18:00.000+08:00

Life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it..

I need you, so stop hiding..

Life is a mystery so let's get deciding..

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Holiday..

2010-09-11T03:16:00.003+08:00

Let's have a holiday from sarcasm shall we?

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Hopefully just a phase..

2010-09-10T00:26:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had one of those phases where you just feel completely unappreciated?

Where it feels like you're always giving giving giving and for once you'd just like to be on the receiving end?

No? Well this is me now.

The irony is, the people I want to be receiving from are oblivious. But I'm receiving from other channels.

You win some you lose some.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

2010-09-07T21:53:00.000+08:00

Oh how I love the way the English speak.

"Oh hells, bells and buckets."

Loosely translates into: "oh crap I'm busted."

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..

2010-09-07T21:46:00.000+08:00

My heart is not yours to take.

It is mine to give.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Patient..

2010-09-05T02:08:00.001+08:00

How can I warn you when my tongue turns to dust
Like we've discussed
It doesn't mean that I don't care
It means I'm partially there

You're gonna need to be patient with me.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Ghost Town..

2010-09-05T01:59:00.000+08:00

Watching TV.

Ghost Town (duh!).

I wonder if anyone will ever love me enough that they'd ignore the 'light' at the end of the tunnel just so they can stay behind to look after me and/or pass me a message and/or because they just want to remain by my side..

..Life got in the way..

2010-09-05T00:41:00.001+08:00

Just saw a preview for the movie 'Ghost of girlfriends past'. Got me thinking.

If I could go back, would I do anything differently? Or do the same things all over again. Even if it means reliving the heartaches and mistakes?

On one hand, it would be nice to skip some of the icky parts of my past. But on the other hand, you know the saying "What doesn't break you, only makes you stronger" well yeah, have my previous experiences (good AND bad) shaped the person I am today?

But again in hindsight the question I need to ask is, am I really happy today? Lord now that's a conundrum if I've ever heard one.

I've become a jaded, cynical wretch. I try very hard not to be, but when faced with recent disappointments, it only serves to remind me that there's a bus of pain screeching very close around the corner.

Take now for instance, technically I should be quite hap... well content would be the better word. But is it settling? Or should I take the out that has presented itself? Should I walk through an already open doorway or should I accept the entry ticket to the other show?

It all boils down to choices I guess. Now only to choose. Damnit. I hate this part. I was supposed to come up with an answer today. But life got in the way.

Soon. I promise. I'll let you know which direction I'm taking.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..I'm sorry..

2010-09-04T02:47:00.000+08:00

I wonder what you'll take from me today
Sanity or just my breath away, it's hard to say
Impossible for me to tell, we're always walking on eggshells
Who you're going to be from day to day today

I wish that we would go back to what we were before
But I don't think that I love you anymore, anymore

Wonder why it is that you don't see
What you've changed since we first met and how much that is killing me
I know that I will always miss the butterflies of our first kiss
And how you used to smile so easily

I wish that we would go back to what we were before
But I don't think that I love you anymore, anymore
It's too hard to keep pretending, it's too hard to ignore
I don't think that I love you anymore, anymore

I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I never thought that it would come to this

I know I'll never get back to how we were before
'Cause I know that I don't love you anymore
It's too hard to keep pretending, it's too hard to ignore
I know that I don't love you anymore, anymore

I'm sorry

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Atlantean Advice..

2010-09-01T01:20:00.001+08:00

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..A message for pigs..

2010-08-30T14:03:00.001+08:00

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..A Lesson..

2010-08-24T16:12:00.000+08:00

Was It Something I Didn't Say - 98 Degrees

Something I didn't say
Something I didn't say

Spending another night alone
Wondering when
I'm gonna ever see you again
Thinking what I would give
To get you back, baby

I should have told you how I felt then
Instead, I kept it to myself, yeah
I let my love go unexpressed
'Til it was too late
You walked away

[Chorus 1:]
Was it something I didn't say
When I didn't say, "I love you"?
Was it words that you never heard
All those words I should have told you
All those times, all those nights
When I had the chance to?
Was it something I didn't say?
(Something I didn't say)
Was it something I didn't say?
(Something I didn't say)

Always assumed that you'd be there
Ooh, ooh, couldn't foresee
The day you'd ever be leaving me
How could I let my world
Slip through my hands, baby?

I took for granted that you knew, yeah
All of the love I had for you, yeah
I guess you never had a clue
'Til it was too late
You walked away

[Repeat chorus 1]

[Bridge:]
Oh, oh, all the words were in my heart
Well, they went unspoken
Baby, now my silent heart
Is a heart that's broken
I shoulda said so many things
Shoulda let you know
You're the one I needed near me
But I never let you hear me

[Chorus 2:]
Was it something I didn't say
When I didn't say, "I love you"?
Was it words that you never heard
All those words I should have told you
All those times, all those nights
When I had the chance to?
All those times, all those nights
When I had the chance to
Was it something I didn't say?
(Something I didn't say)
Was it something I didn't say?
(Something I didn't say)

Something I didn't say
(I'm so sorry, girl, so sorry)
Something I didn't say
(I'm so sorry, girl, so sorry)

Something I didn't say
Something I didn't say

..Cosmos..

2010-08-19T10:57:00.000+08:00

I swear that the cosmos are trying to speak to me.

Was having a conversation the other day about completely random stuff. When all of a sudden I blurted out this question:

Me: "How does someone know the difference between love and infatuation?"

X: There is no difference. Infatuation is like a garden. If tended and cared for, it grows into love. If neglected or abused, it dies. The only way to have eternal love is to never let your heart forget what its like to live without it.

Me: 0.0 (completely flabbergasted) That's really profound. Especially coming from a man. ... Are you sure you're not gay?

X: -_-

But you have to admit, that's pretty deep and umm... poetic coming from a man no? I was completely speechless for a good few minutes. So there was a couple of minutes of international mobile silence (expensive, ugh) as I gathered my wits about me.

Me: Give me awhile to digest those little nuggets of wisdom. We'll continue this conversation then.

X is still waiting for this conversation to end. That was 4 days ago. Lol...

I still don't know what to say..

xoxo

Drama Mama

..A Phone Call..

2010-08-18T13:32:00.000+08:00

*sigh*

After all this time of practicing what I would say to you, I imagined my words would be filled with venom and hate.

Strangely enough, it wasn't. It wasn't laced with honey, but I think I can imagine it sounded... sorrowful. Melancholic almost.

Funny how you think one thing, and another shows up.

..Divine Message..

2010-08-15T02:14:00.001+08:00

As my thoughts wonder..

The voice from the TV says:

"Its time to shape up or ship out.."

Sometimes if you really listen... The universe will answer you..

. . . .

2010-08-14T22:25:00.001+08:00

Screaming silently in my head.

Shouting profanities at the world.

No one hears me.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..I'm Over It..

2010-08-14T11:54:00.001+08:00

No words needed.

..Protection..

2010-08-13T01:51:00.000+08:00

"I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand." Susan B. Anthony

Don't say I didn't warn you champ. You weren't there, so I found another source.

..Breaking Point..

2010-08-13T01:36:00.000+08:00

Everybody has their 'breaking point'.

I hate to say this, but mine's close.

Perhaps its out of sheer boredom. Or just the restless feeling is getting so bad i'm about to combust.

Whatever the reason is, I'm reaching that point. The point of no return. And it's all your fault.

You made me do it. You pushed me here. You and your laissez-faire attitude towards me.

So help me God.

..One..

2010-08-12T16:22:00.000+08:00

Everyone yearns for a connection to someone else.

The dying man holds on to a strangers presence as an anchor. A elderly widow and her trusty canine companion. The girl and her best friend and so on and so forth.

But why though, you ask? What's the big deal about having that ONE someone? Why does one matter when I've got MANY friends?

To me it's plain and simple. Each and every one of your friends has that one someone. The person they've chosen to be by their side for the rest of their lives. Friends come and go, they move on with their own lives and they have their own problems. You think friends care if you've had a bad day at work? That your neck has been aching for 5 days straight? No honey, they honestly don't give a crap.

But your someONE will.

I've used this quote a trillion times, but it's the most apt at putting my thoughts into words.

We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'.

You have only one life to live. Don't let it go un-noticed because you were too scared to take that leap of faith.

We all that the person that we can have no expectations with. Because we know that they'll give us what we need. Love. Compassion. Kindness. Understanding.

There is no such thing as NO expectations.

Now I need to practice what I preach. And take that leap of faith. 7 hours behind and light years ahead into my destiny.

xoxo

Drama Mama

..The Point..

2010-08-12T01:02:00.001+08:00

What's my point?

What's my point?!?

The point is you idiot that I'm hurting!!

If you wanna be dramatic, I'm shrivelling up from lack of affection. That's affection moron, not attention.

I hate you.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Restless..

2010-08-09T20:20:00.002+08:00

Since I've returned from my rendezvous with destiny on the Emerald Isle, I confess to being insanely restless.

Restless for a change and for new directions.

What it boils down to is making a choice. To choose between the two though is supremely difficult. A case of the past and present.

In my time of ever present conundrums, a passage or rather a sentence jumped out at me from a book. It said, "Move forward not with love or hatred. Move forward with purpose."

Move forward I shall. Now only to tell the world.

xoxo
Drama Mama
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Notting Hill..

2010-08-08T03:17:00.001+08:00

I'm just a girl.

Standing in front of a boy.

Asking him to love her.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

. . . .

2010-08-07T21:22:00.001+08:00

Fed-up to bits.

You're so so stupid. Damn moron.

Disgusting.

Perpetuate it. But deny it.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Done..

2010-08-07T20:36:00.001+08:00

I don't want this anymore.

Now if I could only say it out loud.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

. . . .

2010-07-31T04:14:00.000+08:00

It's your birthday today.

I can't help by wonder about you.

I hope you're well, and life's treating you kind.

Happy Birthday.

Simply,
Me.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Europe Trip: Day 2 - London pt. 2..

2010-07-11T18:20:00.001+08:00

I'm still not able to fathom the whole, "yeah it's 10.30pm and the sky is still bright". It really throws me for a loop!

Day 2 was exhausting. For someone with jet-lag, it was madness. So we left the flat about 10.30am, and walked down to the tube station just up the road. Weather was HOT! But though the sun was sweltering, the breeze had a little bite to it, so was quite pleasant. Took a train down to London Bridge station to visit Borough Market. Oh God, I felt like I walked into a movie set. Borough Market is essentially a farmers market and everything there is fresh, and juicy and simply wonderful. You walk around people hawking their wares, and asking you to try a little bit of their products. The cheeseeee!! Sweet heaven the cheese. The vegetables, meat (WITH pork!), fruits, pastries, seasonings, *sigh* I had a fabulous time!

After which we went to meet Adam at Brick Lane at a Rootmaster bus for a drink. Sooo cool. The area is like hippie central, lots of hippies walking around and some funny characters in funny fashions. I truly do love people watching.

After a drink here, we went for another drink (LOL!) at Ten Bells pub. A little bit of history was imparted here as this was the pub that Jack the Ripper picked up one of his victims!

After this we got onto a hot & stuffy underground. Urgh. Not fun! Headed to Oswald's house for a little barbeque. The English take every opportunity for a little bit of sunshine. It was good fun though. Pimm's fruit cups were never-ending, bottles of wines and beers were opened, and everyone got nice and a little hammered. Oh, and we had shots of some sort of Bulgarian alcohol (tastes like brandy) and though it was a little strong for me, the lads seems to love it.

Stayed there until 10pm then we hopped in a cab and headed off to the nearest tube station to hoof it back home. I was utterly exhausted by then seeing as how my body clock was still on Malaysian 5am time!

People I met:

Alex: Sasha Baron Cohen look-alike

Aurelie: Partner to Alex

Sacha: Son of Alex & Aurelie

Adam: Best friend of Sacha

Rob: My cousin

Carole: The loveliest hostess

Oswald: The nicest ginger I've ever met

Robbie: Boyfriend to Mariann

Mariann: The other half of the Bulgarian couple

xoxo

Drama Mama

..Europe Trip: Day 2 - London.

2010-07-10T17:14:00.000+08:00

I went to bed at London time: 10.30pm last night. Was completely exhausted and seeing as how Malaysian time was 6am? I think my tiredness was warranted.

The drive from Heathrow to London Central was hilarious. For the first 15 minutes I really didn't feel like I was in London. This was due to the simple fact that all I saw was Asian people on the roads. Heard some serious hardcore rap music coming from a car to my right, turn around and it's a couple of Indian kids. Further ahead, Pakistani gentleman hawking their wares. Even the shops are all Asian. Not one single white man was spotted in those 15 minutes. Once I hit central London though, :D

All Prince William and Beckham lookalikes. Made for a nice bit of 'sight-seeing'.

Kept waking up and looking at my watch since 7.30am. Lol. Felt like a kid on Christmas morning. Simply couldn't wait for it to be time to get up and head out!!

Its 930am and am revving to start the day! Robs is toasting bagels and cutting melons for a quick bite before we shoot of to Borough Market (a fairly famous farmers market) and continuing on doing our little walkabout.

That's really what I'm looking forward to in London, spending some time doing the local walks. I really don't get why people go on holiday and spend time shopping in the malls? For me, it's sitting down watching the locals walk by. Or getting dirty and hunting for graffiti in the back alleys of London, or even just sitting around the gardens with a pint laying on the grass.

Imagine if I sat on the grass in KL with a bottle of beer? Would probably cause a riot.

Heading out,
Drama Mama
xoxo

..Europe Trip: Day 1 - The Travel.

2010-07-10T16:47:00.001+08:00

It feels really strange to know you've taken off in a plane at 10am and 6 hours later you land in another country and it's only 12noon. -.- It's a real head turner I tell you.

Observing people is funny. In the past 20 minutes, I have seen 8 men adjusting their crotches (all of Middle Eastern origin) and 5 men with obvious hickeys on their neck (all Chinese).

Have been having trouble getting through airport security. Both my belt and my boots have to be taken off, otherwise I set off the sensors. *sigh* Well clearly the Drama Mama doesn't travel easy, but at least she does it in style? Lol..

The actual plane ride would have been quite nice (the Dubai-London stretch was in the new A380) if it wasn't for these hellhounds disguised as kids onboard. Shouting, screaming, running up and down the aisles whilst people were trying to catch a few zzz's. How can parents be so irresponsible and not keep their kids well behaved?

The excitement is starting to kick in again. Was feeling blah about the trip for awhile due to the 'missing' syndrome. But hearing the British accent and seeing the white people in the Dubai terminal, it's back baby!!!

Keep you updated.
xoxo
Drama Mama

..Bed..

2010-05-20T02:49:00.000+08:00

It feels strange now. To be on the left side again. On that side purely because someone else is on the right. It's been so long and so many memories come rushing in.

It feel strange and painful enough that I can't sleep.

Plus the thought that you've had so many left sides is supremely off-putting. Makes me re-evaluate my original opinion.

Sometimes I feel as if I'm pushing myself too hard to see what isn't there. Because the current side sure as hell beats the only other alternative.

So maybe I'll just hang on for as long as I can tolerate before chopping a grand canyon between both sides. After all, there are other 'sides' and ways to entertain myself through this.

Side order anyone?
Drama Mama
xoxo
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..#29..

2010-05-16T16:57:00.000+08:00

I am SOOOOOOO frustrated its not even funny..

I really really just wanna scream out my bloody window until my throat is hoarse.

Pound my fists against the wall until they're bloody.

I need a release. Urgently. Before I explode. Most definitely.

Bah humbug,
Drama Mama
xoxo

..Itchy..

2010-05-16T01:36:00.000+08:00

There's an issue that needs to be sorted. An 'itch' that needs scratching.

Thing is, the answer to the problem is unable to close the deal so to speak.

I'm convinced the problem lies within the itch itself, though the scratcher begs to differ.

Perhaps an outside consult is necessary to help with this pesky problem? That could spell trouble but really now. How many people can put off scratching an itch for so long?

Cryptic,
Drama Mama
xoxo
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..can't think of a title..

2010-05-12T07:50:00.001+08:00

One of those days where I just can't seem to sleep. Holy mother it's 7.30am.

Though I will admit it's kinda nice hearing the world come alive. The sounds of people beginning their day, of the birds singing. Sounds super poetic but in reality it's got me thinking.

Do you ever sit back and wonder how on earth you could have gone so wrong in your life?

I'm just thinking of the previous generations and how they accomplished so much at a much earlier age. 11 years ago i remember being 16 and looking at my aunt who was around late 30s at that time. She was already married and with a kid. And now look at me. I'm still single and living with my parents.

Yes its financially a lot better to not have to pay rent but still. Most women of the previous generation accomplished so much more by the time they hit the quarter of the century mark.

And I'm going out on a limb here and potentially risking stoning by making my next remarks. So I'm just gonna spit it out. Maybe, just maybe, the feminists of generations past have screwed up females for good.

Ok no, I appreciate the independence their fight gained me, but I'm just wondering, in the long run, has it hurt us more than set us free? I mean look at it this way. Yes, my female ancestors were subject to the whims and fancy of the men they married, but wasn't it simpler? Your only job was to your home and family.

Now look at us. Yes we are successful at our careers, but most of us still rely on men for that final push into the "happy-land". So what has independence really gained us? We work our butts off, seek approval from society for being as much of a 'man' as we are 'woman'. And for what? The satisfaction of knowing we can provide for ourselves? But really, is it so wrong to be provided for?

Even successful women need taking care of. If not financially, then emotionally. That's simply the way it works. We're not meant to be alone. None of us is. And usually the answer to happiness lies in the opposite sex.

What has independence gained me? Yes I'm a strong woman. Yes I can financially support myself. But at night, when I'm not out conquering the world, I lie in bed, alone. Wondering when I will meet the man whose body will fit next to mine and I'll wake up to every morning for the rest of my life. The man who will give me children and the man who will stand by me through every period cramp and still love me regardless of how much of a bitch I get for a couple of days every month.

So if you really look at it? We're screwed.

I'm not being as eloquent as I would like to be regarding my thoughts on this. But it's now 8am and my brain is feeling a little sluggish. Forgive me.

Jessica
xoxo

..Day #28..

2010-05-12T04:07:00.000+08:00

Choices.

It always comes down to choices.

Almost at every single moment in your life, you're faced with a choice. Turn left, or right. Go up, or down. Take a job, leave it. Slap someone, or walk away.

Sometimes the choices are trivial, sometimes, life-altering. But one thing remains in all scenarios.

Consequences.

When you're younger, and the world doesn't weigh so much on your shoulders, the consequences are minute. But as you grow, and the weight of the world settles itself in the crevice of your neck, so do these consequences.

More often than not, I seldom give so much as a passing thought to the consequences my actions may bring. As my friend J says, "Have fun now, deal with the drama later". *sigh* I guess this is the repercussions from living out the whole "pedal to the metal, balls to the wall" philosophy.

I will not stop you, nor prevent you from doing anything. You're old enough to weigh your options and make a choice. Just remember this, for every action, there is a reaction. The consequences are yours, and yours alone to bear.

Love
Drama Mama
xoxo

..Voila..

2010-05-09T17:09:00.000+08:00

Snicker.. Evil grin.. Giggle..

The old man made magic in the oven. Brownies with white chocolate (my favorite of the chocolate family)!!

Groan.. I so need the gym tomorrow..

Poke me and I'll pop
Drama Mama
xoxo
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Clean-up..

2010-05-09T16:16:00.000+08:00

Just the way I like it..

He does the baking and I'm in charge of the MOST important bits.

Clean-up (by licking chocolate off the utensils).

Tasting (after everything is completed).

Ahhhh.. Heaven..

My tummy is in love
Drama Mama
xoxo
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Lunch!..

2010-05-09T15:06:00.000+08:00

I swear on my new Ray-Rays that this is the only porridge in the world that I absolutely LOVE!!

O.M.M cooked it and it's simple yumms!

Fatty
Drama Mama
xoxo
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Membership status: Denied..

2010-05-09T14:29:00.000+08:00

Reading a book that has some pretty solid viewpoints on relationships.

Another one similar to the musical chairs theory.

Once you reach a certain age, and you choose the person you're going to marry and you marry them and get membership to this club, and it's a really nice club, and you like all the other members, and you get to have a nice house and clothes and holidays and stuff, and great friends, and you have these babies and these are like - wow - the best thing that ever ever happened to you, and you can't believe how much you love them. BUT at the end of the day, when the kids are in bed, and your friends have gone home and you're sitting in your beautiful house, it stops being about all that other stuff and it's about that person you've chosen and only about them, and they have to be the right person, because otherwise all of the other stuff doesn't matter.

Ugh.. Way to put pressure on finding the right partner.

Bugger.

Sign here for membership application,
Drama Mama
xoxo
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Day #27..

2010-05-09T12:00:00.000+08:00

There are those that say i live impulsively. Too spontaneously (can there be such a thing?). But I ask why not? Is it not better to live the shit out of the life you've been given? As opposed to treading carefully and have it all taken away in the blink of an eye.

This also got me thinking about having the courage to take a risk. It's a hard thing to have the guts to tell someone how you feel, both personally and professionally, especially when there is a large part of you that knows it would be easier to play safe. Fear of failure is what stops us doing things; from saying yes to someone, to fighting for what you believe in, to striving for something more.

I guess it's all about grabbing a moment. First you have to recognize it and accept it for what it represents. Then you have a decision to make. You can either take a deep breath and say the words you've wanted to say for too long, or you can turn and walk the other way.

I make it sound like I know what I'm talking about but unfortunately what you know and what you do in the heat of the moment are often completely different things.If you do want someone, or something, then go for it. In the words of my lovely dad - what's the worst that could happen? You fall flat on your face?And what if you do? You get up, wipe the dirt from your face, and know that you didn't let a moment go and then spend the next ten years regretting it.

Grab the proverbial bull by its proverbial balls,
Drama Mama
xoxo
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Day #26..

2010-05-08T01:44:00.001+08:00

I'm still thinking about the One. My father says he knew straight away. What does it mean if you don't?

Can people grow on you? Renewing your wedding vows.. Is this a way of reminding yourself that he/she is the One? Whenever they do it in the gossip magazines it usually means a divorce is imminent.

When I look at my father and mother, I see good old-fashioned true love. That doesn't mean they are perfect, but underneath the mundane day-to-day stuff you can see it. There is a certainty there.

When I look at others, I see something else and I wonder if they are just as happy, or if they look at my parents and wish they had done things differently. My parents are my template.

Is it too much to ask for something similar?

Wishful thinking
Drama Mama
xoxo

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..Musical Chairs?..

2010-05-07T13:56:00.002+08:00

Oh wow.

I've just read about the theory of musical chairs relationships.

It's basically where you're afraid the music's stopped and you're going to be stuck on your own, so you're grabbing the nearest chair.

Replace chair with partner and you'll see where I'm going with this.

Christ that's a scary prospect.

Musical chairs anyone?
Drama Mama
xoxo

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

..I am a Soul Therapist..

2010-05-07T04:28:00.000+08:00

As a lark I got a free ordination online... LOL!!

Click here to get ordained.

So essentially I can marry people, start my own church, ooohh and get a honorary religious title.

Available titles (for $11.99) are as below. My faves are highlighted!!

Abbe, Reverend of Rock 'n Roll, Abbess, Abbot, Ananda, Angel, Apostle of Humility, Apostolic Scribe, Arch Deacon, Arch Priest, Archbishop, Arch cardinal, Ascetic Gnostic, Bible Historian, Bishop, Brahman, Brother, Canon, Cantor, Cardinal, Channel, Chaplain, Colonel, Cure, Deacon, Dervish, Directress, Disciple, Druid, Elder, Faith Healer, Evangelist, Emissary, Father, Field Missionary, Flying Missionary, Free Thinker, Friar, Goddess, Guru, Hadji, Healing Minister, High Priest, High Priestess, Imam, Lama, Lay Sister, Magus, Martyr, Messenger, Metropolitan, Minister of Music, Minister of Peace, Missionary, Missionary Doctor, Missionary Healer, Missionary of Music, Missionary Priest, Monk, Monsignor, Most Reverend, Mystical Philosopher, Orthodox Monk, Parochial Educator, Pastor General, Patriarch, Peace Counselor, Preacher, Preceptor, Priest, Priestess, Prophet, Rector, Rabbi, Religious Preacher, Revelator, Reverend, Reverend Father, Reverend Mother, Right Reverend, Saintly Healer, Scribe, Seer, Shaman, Soul Therapist, Sister, Spiritual Counselor, Spiritual Warrior, Starets, Swami, Teller, Thanatologist, The Very Esteemed, Universal Rabbi, Universal Religious Philosopher, Vicar, Universal Philosopher of Absolute Reality, Wizard, Gothi, Gythia, Psychic Healer, Minister of Rock 'n Roll, Rock 'n Roll Missionary, Rock Doctor (R.D), Rock 'n Roll Minister, Child of the Universe, Prince, Princess, Spiritual Healer, Saint, Pope

Me likey! Just imagine...

Rock Doctor Jessica... Peace Counselor Jessica.. hahahaha... this is tooo funny... Why couldn't Happiness Consultant be legit??

OOOOOHHHHHH!!!!

Princess Jessica
xoxo

..Day #25..

2010-05-07T02:17:00.000+08:00

This year seems to be the most popular for friends weddings or friends getting engaged.

This has prompted me to wonder how you know if the person you're with is the One? Is it when he proposes and you don't hesitate to accept?

My friend said it was.
My other friend said it made her worry that he wasn't.
My mother said she always knew.
My cousin said there was no such thing.
My other other friend said that a pregnancy test confirmed two things for her.
The woman that blows my hair at the salon said she was still wondering after thirty years of marriage.
Madonna said something similar.
Angelina looked into those beautiful baby-blue eyes and saw beautiful babies.

xoxo
Drama Mama

P.S: In case your imagination got the best of you, NO I have not been proposed to nor am I in any sort of situation remotely NEAR a proposal. Due to an overwhelming number of engagement/weddings crowding around my life I am merely PONDERING!

..Day #24..

2010-05-06T00:24:00.001+08:00

As much as I hate to admit this, unfortunately, looks are important in the dating game. It's a harsh truth.. Look rough and past your sell-by-date and you will attract something similar. Angie & Brad? I rest my case.

My friend J says that if you look as if you can't be bothered, then you're asking for it - not to be bothered. Perhaps that's been my problem - my peripheral vision has been so focused on a particular someone that I have forgotten how to be bothered. It got me thinking. No matter how rubbish you feel, there are certain rules to follow if you are single but don't want to be.

So it's all about looks, I hear you ask? Shallow Hal? No. But I have come to the conclusion that it helps to maintain the illusion of fabulous. And let's be honest - putting aside my feminine protests and conviction that beauty is skin deep, I want to make myself attractive to the opposite sex.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Powering down..

2010-05-02T10:08:00.001+08:00

I saw a little boy kiss his mommy & a vise gripped my heart.

I opened my heart & mind. Shame on me.

Now I'm feeling again. Feeling more than ever. Stupid stupid me.

You're assumptions are all baseless. I repeat the words from 'Sweet Home Alabama': I gave my heart away a long time ago, and I never really got it back.

So take your preconceived notions and shove 'em.

Shutting down
Drama Mama
in 5..
4..
3..
2..
1

..Family..

2010-04-28T03:42:00.000+08:00

If anyone ever asked me, "What is the biggest lesson you've ever learnt?"

No hesitations, my answer is simple. Treasure your family.

Family could be anyone from your parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, childhood friends, etc. Essentially anyone who is part of your life who's goals include to provide to your well-being (mentally, emotionally, etc).

Though I'm an only child, I'm blessed to have a large and (slightly) insane extended family. We've always been a tight-knit group and we've always been around each other. Always.

My aunts/uncles, my surrogate parents. My cousins, my siblings.

My relationship differs with each person. Not because I love one more than the other, but by simple virtue of personality traits. Yes we argue. Yes sometimes some feel left out of things. And yes sometimes you make me want to slap you with a flip-flop. To try and be eloquent and sum it up? I love you, but it doesn't mean I have to like you all the time.

Individually we all have different freakishness. Different likes/dislikes. Different insecurities.

Sometimes feathers get ruffled, sometimes lines get crossed, sometimes things get thrown way out of context. The beauty of family is? You can brush it off, and move on. Knowing that real family will stand by you regardless of whether you're rich or poor, caring or neurotic.

I tend to run the gamut of maybe 20 different personalities and emotions. And that's on the days I take my meds (haha. Kidding. maybe, not?) So on some days with my family I could be Mother Teresa (unlikely but hey, here's hoping?) and on others? The Evil Bitch from Hell. My family loves me regardless. They ignore the fact that I'm evil 9 times out of 10 and instead concentrate on the 1 time where I'm a saint. And take my word for it, it's a rare and unusual occurence.

I remember the first time Sonja (my mom's friend) came over for Christmas to my place. She was fairly new to the country and new to the extended family. So I said to her, "Sonja, so next year we won't invite you over for Christmas anymore." Her immediate reaction was "Holy crap what did I do wrong?" But my follow-up statement cleared it up for her quickly enough, "You're family now. And family doesn't stand on invitation."

For me it was pretty cut and dried. For her, well, I guess my family dynamic is unique.

The BIGGEST thing I've learnt to do is? Communicate.

If you don't tell I've upset you, how would I know? I pretend, but I'm far from psychic. If I don't tell you that what you did hurt, how would you avoid from making the same mistake again?

Say it with me now. C.O.M.M.U.N.I.C.A.T.E.

Old Wise One. Checking Out.
Drama Mama
xoxo

..Day #23..

2010-04-28T03:16:00.000+08:00

Ok so my days are not exactly in immediate succession but hey, again for the trillionth time, my blog, my rules.

Moving on. So yeah, whilst the drama of my 'robbery' happened, O.M.M was in Singapore. Which really sucked. But thankfully I had my mama & papa.

Going through the trauma of having lost my sense of security and sentimental items in my bag was somewhat 'padded' by a few seriously (pun not intended) surprising surprises.

1. Daddy bought me a Blackberry. Oh, and he actually asked the Maxis rep, "What colors are there for the BB? Only black? Why no strawberry or blueberry?" Me? -_-
2 & 3. O.M.M replaced two of my missing items. An iPod which my parents originally got me for Xmas (with BIGGER capacity) AND an Italian leather journal which was my only purchase when we went down to Singapore. ♥♥♥ Seriously.

Not to mention, phone calls and messages from people who genuinely have been concerned and some whom I never expected to give a damn.

I am humbled. I am blessed. I am gifted enough to have you in my life.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Day #22..

2010-04-27T00:22:00.000+08:00

So.. where do I begin.. Let's start with the date.

On Friday 23rd April 2010, I was driving to 1 Utama (the local mall just a 5 minutes drive from my house) to meet my mother for lunch. Japanese. One of my favorites.

Anyhow, as I was sitting in the car at the lights, patiently waiting for it to turn green and daydreaming about all the ways I could conquer the world, I was startled but a loud crash and I whipped my head to the left (where the sound came from) and was aghast to see a gray clad hand reach in to grab my very new Charles & Keith handbag.

The very first feeling I could remember was horror. Instinctively reacted by leaping (right leg first) onto the passenger seat to make a grab for my bag and scream with everything I had out the window. It didn't do me any good.

I slumped back down to my seat, and had the presence of mind to step on the brake (lucky for me as the car was slowly rolling forwards!). I saw the direction they took off and wanted to chase them down but I was boxed in by other cars with no room to maneuver. I sat there stunned for a good 30 seconds, my mind whirling at what I should do now.

1. Get out of the car and drama?
2. Stay there until SOMEBODY finally offered assistance?
3. Go find my mother.

In situations like this? I choose my mama. So I drove in to the carpark, still trembling, got out of the car, and as I was looking into the car before walking away I noticed that after I did my leap and I sat back down, I seemed to have transferred glass onto my seat which I continued to sit on whilst driving.

So I dusted the backs of my thighs (what a day to wear a short skirt!) and as I checked my front, i noticed glass on my right shin which I dusted too. Then walked to find my mama who was waiting at the restaurant for me. My first words? "Mummy, someone smashed my window and grabbed my bag." I was of course tearing at this point. She immediately got up, told me to head to the toilet to wash the glass off while she paid the bill.

As I was hosing of my leg, I saw it. The shard of glass sticking out of my leg. Embedded. That flipped me out like nothing before. I just wanted it OUT! So I told my mum we weren't gonna wait around for my dad to come get us and I wanted to go to the hospital immediately. So we jumped into a cab and rushed there (lucking only a 15 minute ride away).

Straight into emergency where I watched in shock as they extracted piece after piece of glass for my leg. Oh and 1 in my finger when I grabbed the window frame to lean out. Fuck me.

A tetanus shot later, I walked out of the emergency room and into the lobby where my daddy was pacing and waiting. First thing I did? Walked up to him and bawled like a little baby in his arms.

Spent the rest of the day canceling my cards, making a police report and getting a replacement phone line.

I'm still in shock.

Two biggest things I can't get over from this.

1. The sheer audacity of random motherfuckerswhodeservetodie
2. You're not allowed to daydream anymore
3. Malaysians suck at civic consciousness. As I walked to the restaurant in the mall, people stared at me and the blood running down my leg and the distress on my face. But. Not. One. Person. Asked me if I was okay or needed help. I mean WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!

I hate being a victim.

Drama Mama

..Day #21..

2010-04-23T00:17:00.003+08:00

An amazing video.

Puts things in perspective for me.

I do not live purely for myself, but for the essence of what I can impart on someone else's life.

Be Kind,
Drama Mama
xoxo

..Stalked..

2010-04-21T01:22:00.000+08:00

I'm being stalked!! Lol...

When a guy does it, it's all cool and fun and games..

If a girl does it, she's a psycho controlling nutjob..

Ah, the fairness between sexes..

Drama Mama
xoxo

..Day #20..

2010-04-21T00:45:00.001+08:00

This is what I feel like.

I am soooo bored. With life in general I guess.

Nothing new, nothing super-exciting. Perhaps I've hit my glass ceiling?

If that be the case, someone pass me a hammer. I'm about to go all Lara Croft on this ceiling in my life.

I REFUSE to let boundaries slow me down.

I wanna be pedal to the metal, balls to the wall.

Peace,
Drama Mama
xoxo

.. I'm There Too..

2010-04-19T23:23:00.003+08:00

The two most memorable moments during So You Think You Can Dance Season 6 was when Ryan di Lello pleaded with the voting audience to vote for his wife Ashleigh who couldn't dance for that episode due to an injury. *sniff* so much love..

The next? During the finale, the married couple finally got partnered together for a Travis Wall contemporary routine.

It was simply? Beautiful.

The tenderness on her face when she looked at him whilst dancing and the way they touched and held and moved together just reduced me to a bawling bumbling mess.

To be able to share a passion and an experience of a lifetime together with your lover has got to be the most amazing experience ever. I wouldn't know of course, but I would imagine.

So I would think, to dance to the music of love song, where the theme of the choreography was love and my partner was love would be? LOVELY! lol.. Sorry. I can't help myself sometimes.

They cried. I cried. The world probably cried.

See for yourself.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Day #19..

2010-04-19T18:26:00.001+08:00

In 24 hours I went from 'glass half full' to 'glass half empty'. Maybe I'm schizophrenic?

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Day #18..

2010-04-18T22:57:00.000+08:00

*groan*

I think I put on 2 kilos this weekend alone.

I'm so full my brain is having problems stringing together a coherent sentence.

Dinner was fab-tastic.. I am now groggy as heck and can't be bothered to get up out of my semi-prone position on the floor in front of the TV..

This is what I feel like:

Rub my belly for luck
Drama Mama
xoxo

..Yummy!..

2010-04-18T15:37:00.000+08:00

Oh-kay

So the last couple of blogs have been pretty much doom and gloom. Here's the little ray of sunshine (that happens to match the rainbow that's currently circling the sun!).

My tummy is a spoilt happy little princess. Sated, full and sleepy! :) My head, well that's another story altogether.

I've had a FULL weekend of nothing but lazing, sleeping and being cooked for. And I mean like full on cooked for. I'm not referring to boiling a packet of instant noodles cooked for. I think you get my drift.

Yesterday's menu consisted of the following:

*ahem*

Brunch/Lunch: A BIIGGGG breakfast of baked beans, toast, sausages and spam.. drool...
Dinner: Angel hair pasta with bolognese... lurveeee...

Today?

Lunch: Chicken porridge (which honestly turned out better than I expected!) which has now officially made me a porridge fan.. and sleepy.. lol.. happy bear..
Dinner: Hasn't been cooked yet but my favorite fried rice is on the menu. *jumps for joy*

I feel like a big fat potato, but i'm content. I always knew the way to a person's heart was through the stomach.

Case. In. Point?

ME!

Rubbing my belly and purring.. meow!
Drama Mama
xoxo

*sings* yummy yummy yummy i got love in my tummy...

..The End of a Dream..

2010-04-17T23:24:00.000+08:00

I had a dream.

And it got blown to pieces. Shattered. Thrown into a mortar & pestle and ground into dust.

And it didn't end there. That dust got thrown into the wind and has now been scattered beyond where the eye can see.

So now there is absolutely no hope of recovery.

..Deja Vu..

2010-04-17T15:40:00.000+08:00

Just when I think its going okay, I hear the name and my body reacts as if I've been shot.

I drive and catch of glimpse of a bright citrus color and my stomach clenches.

The sound of a song playing on the radio and my hair stands.

A familiar location and my heart weeps.

Bugger it all.

..Day #17..

2010-04-17T14:11:00.000+08:00

Something occured to me today.

I've used my blog to bitch about things, I've used to to announce how happy I am.

For some reason I've shied away from sharing too much of my sadness. I wonder why? Was it because I was embarrassed that I was in such pain? Hmm... Nonetheless, please feel free to ignore my pain.

I've discovered that as opposed to spewing it out on the poor friends I have around me, a blog is as good an outlet as any.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Day #16..

2010-04-17T06:24:00.000+08:00

Geez its been more than a month since I did this project 365 thingee..

Can I just pick up where I left off? Wait why am I asking. My blog, my life, my freaking rules.

My thoughts for today....

This is the state of mind I should be. I promise to try...

TAKING CHANCES

by Celine Dion

Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.

You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
Theres nothing like love to pull you up,
When youre laying down on the floor there.
So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Dont know much about your life
And I dont know much about your world.

xoxo

Drama Mama

..D.E.A.D..

2010-04-17T05:01:00.000+08:00

I watched Sweet Home Alabama today. Again. For the gazillionth time. After which of course I was talking to myself (in my head) with the strangest Southern accent! Lol.. It's amazing how easily influenced I am by external stimuli.

Moving on. Towards the end of the movie, when she's explaining to her groom why she can't go through with signing the divorce papers with her ex-husband, she says to him something along the lines of "I gave my heart away a long time ago, and I never got it back".

Strangely enough, or rather not strangely enough, I feel her. Completely. I feel like my heart has be unwillingly extracted out of my chest and stomped on til its nothing but a blob of mush. I don't even recognize it as the organ that used to pump life into me. How's that for a kick in the face.

I should know better. I should recognize the signs and stay away from trouble. But I can't help it, I'm an emotional junkie. There, I've said it aloud. So lock me up and throw away the key.

I want to move on. Trying desperately to. Especially now when I need to be focused on other aspects of my life. Just when I think I'm slowly getting the hang of it, I look down and see an empty cavity, where my heart used to be.

Will it ever get better? Will I ever recover? Or are all of us in these circumstances meant to just never have the same capacity to feel ever again? We'd move on, but never be completely whole again.

Sounds like I'm shit outta luck.

Thousands of questions, zilch for answers.

I once had a huge capacity for love. Now I'm just dead inside.

R.I.P
Drama Mama

..&!()@#!@#*!)..

2010-03-09T04:03:00.000+08:00

You ask me to help you for what? Score brownie points izzit?

Tiu. If you think you know everything, then don't ask my opinion lah.

Marketing is my forte my dear so don't knock me until you've at least heard me out. I'm only singing the song an outsider would sing to you.

Get irritated with me because I want to be clear on the background before I make my comments? So wrong? Better to ask than to ASSume and get it wrong innit?

*breathes* now still want me to help you. bitch about my methods but still ask for my feedback.

catch 22. Die if I do, die if I don't.

Agitated,
Drama Mama

..An Open Letter to Anonymous..

2010-03-02T17:00:00.001+08:00

So, as ranted about in my previous post (Up Yours), I have been getting a fair amount of nuisance comments on my blog.

I've actually been moaning about it for awhile now but because of the consequences of taking further action, I've put off acting on it.

But a wise (occasionally) old man told me, you have two choices.

1. Laugh it off, ignore it and it will eventually stop. (Note: I've been doing that for a couple of months now but it still keeps coming)
2. Take action.

So here I am, fully delivering on my vow to stop procrastinating and take action.

Dear Anonymous,

I wonder if you have a life at all. You seem to relish in stalking my blog and spouting your vile opinions to me. Hey, thanks for adding to my visitor count though. I'm making money of your obsession!

Do you not realize I don't care what you think?

But I'd like your existence to be banished completely from my universe, therefore I suggest you heed this advice.

Do. Not. Push. Me.

If I so much as smell your repugnant presence anywhere in my blogosphere, do expect legal recourse. I've already retained counsel who has a lovely little file on all your humorous ramblings. Also on standby is a results-driven company called Cyber Security who if you will note, with a little division called Digital Forensics is able to track down the lair from which you crazily commit your nonsense into evidence.

Ahh, the wonders of technology. Even fruitcakes are not spared anymore.

Again, I reiterate. Carry on this thorny path you have forged and you will suffer the consequences.

You only have yourself to blame.

Truly,
Drama Mama
xoxo

..Day #15..

2010-03-01T21:39:00.000+08:00

My horoscope heralds great things.. i hope.. *crosses fingers*

Love and work seem to dominate Capricorn thoughts. Love lost, and that elusive professional satisfaction that's yet to be found. Don't fret. Romance takes a more sensual turn - with a new encounter carrying the promise of a lengthy warranty. Even short liaisons offer eventual friendship.

Oh Lordy Lord please say this is true.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Day #14..

2010-02-26T22:56:00.000+08:00

Bad back. Bad eyesight. Bad lungs. Bad knees. Bad hearing.

I am only 27.

Will someone PLEASE for the love of all that's holy tell my body that!?!?

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Day #13..

2010-02-26T00:55:00.001+08:00

A Lesson from the Book of JY:

Bugger indecisiveness. Make up your mind and for pete's sake stick with your decision.

You can't have it both ways champ. Because life isn't supposed to be that good.

xoxo
Drama Mama

..Day #12..

2010-02-25T02:52:00.000+08:00

I love how the people I am surrounded with bring such joy and laughter into my life.

It's funny what fate throws your way when you're not in the least expecting it.

Enjoy the hell out of it, pedal to the metal, balls to the wall.

Give your head permission to follow your heart.

xoxo
Drama Mama