As one grows older, you start foregoing things that’ll make you look or feel childish, and before you know it, you’re an adult at 14. You stop gossiping about boy bands and start yapping politics and global financial affairs. Times that could be spent playing video games or screaming on roller coaster rides are spent on eating Crème Brule at swanky restaurants or sneaking into dance clubs with fake ICs.
Adults are getting younger these days. If this keeps up we’ll all be using the “When I was your age…” advices on those hardly 5 years younger than we are, and may end up playing BINGO at 30.
My question is “why”? What’s the rush?
Is it really the impression that children have on adults that they perceive the things we do as “cool”? (My goodness, who uses “cool” these days anyway?) They want to be seen as someone who can hold their own, someone of stature, independent and of course, more matured than their same-aged peers. Is it really a race of “who grows up first wins”?
As for me, although I am well into my adulthood, being “kiddish” is a form of therapy, to escape the norms and pressures of working life. I have no qualms about being seen or labeled as childish. Those who know me are those who matter, and those who matter know my level of intellect and who I really am.
And though I have yet to be a parent, I know for sure that when the time comes, I wouldn’t put up an adult-like barrier around the way I spend time with my kids. I want to resonate with them, be relevant, and be their best friend.
I have a married friend who has a 7 year old boy. Although he’s financially sound (very!), his kid doesn’t even have a PlayStation or Xbox, let alone a PSP that he could bring around. I went to his place last year and he was in the midst of playing Scrabble with his kid! And as of 3 weeks ago, he proudly told me that he’s barred Facebook and some popular online game sites on their browser, and insist that his son reads more, and on his spare time, do searches on Wiki. The poor boy’s just 7 for heaven’s sake!
And since I’m okay with the boy, I tried to steal a conversation with him and asked him if he’s enjoying what he’s doing. To no surprise, he’s devastated. I asked him what’s fun, and his immediate response was “Calvin’s house”. Calvin the Classmate has everything: toys, game consoles, PSP, bicycles, and most importantly to him, an unblocked Windows Explorer. They share the same home tutor, so everytime it’s Calvin’s turn to play host to the tuition classes, he goes there early to let himself loose and quench his deprivation of fun first. Now isn’t this sad that your child’s definition of “a great home” is someone else’s and not his own?
Who am I to tell this friend of mine how he should raise his kid when I don’t even have one of my own.
But for the rest of you, whether you’re a parent or gearing up to be one, try to listen to what your child wants too, because you may be surprised that, beyond their demands for toys and electronics, all they really want out of you is to play with them in their environment.
Think hard: when was the last time you played like a kid?
Go out on those tricycle rides, jump in puddles, play online games together, and rekindle those times when you genuinely enjoyed doing these things. If it works for a stressed l’il me, it’ll do wonders for you, and your home!
As for all you teenagers who can’t wait to grow up, here’s a little sisterly advice:
“Take. Your. Time.”
xoxo
Drama Queen
6 comments:
To me, the primary of parenting is to ensure health and safety. Playing with your children is really a luxury in most cases of working parents. What more being a child with them.
If banning them from surfing freely etc will have them be unhappy temporarily but safe in the long run, my vote is for it.
However there's always more than two sides to any matter.
But then again, I am on a rationale working mode. Catch me in my hallmark late nights and non-working weekends and i'm sure you know I myself will never stop being a child!
No one really grows up :) Life just forces through and really gets in the way.
Children are wonderful, yet at the same time they can be very taxing to your peace of mind.
From the moment you were born even until now, when you are out my worry is for your welfare. I cannot help (though I wish I could)but worry for you and when you are away, I do not sleep easy.
But there's only so much I can do as a parent, and there comes a time in all parents life that they dread. The day their children become adults. At this point we have to let them go, but don't fool yourself into believing we are comfortable with it.
The day you have children of your own you will understand. What is in to be in the dilemma of weighing which is better, the happiness of your child versus my own paranoid beliefs of safety. If it were up to be I'd lock you in your room forever, but you are now an adult, and as such need to be treated as one.
I only hope and pray that you will always stay true to yourself and the value system that I have brought you up with. If you are happy my baby, I am happy for you.
All my love,
Mum.
Anna,
Well said re: no one growing up. Although on the outlook I'm a well poised adult, as you can probably already tell by some of my previous posts (most lately being the Transformers insanity) I am a big kid at heart.
Though my career and most of my social persona requires me to be an 'adult' at most times, I see no harm in reverting to 'child-like' behavior at times. Who does it hurt right?
Though I will slightly disagree with the whole banning bit. I mean, don't you remember what it was like when our parents forbade us to do stuff? I remember if that happened the very next minute I was devising ways to go out and do it! Hearing a NO was akin to NO YOU CAN'T DO IT BECAUSE IT'LL BE TOO MUCH FUN!
You don't think working parents need to find SOME time to just go back to basics with their kids?
Mummykins,
Well fancy meeting you here. Yes mama, children are wonderful, I know that I myself was an angel. No? Mama? I can hear you choking through cyberspace.
Lord know I was 10 handfuls let alone one. And yes, I've learnt alot by merely reflecting on my own mistakes. I mean gee whiz, the stuff I used to get up to!
And the funny part is that you weren't a strict parent and neither was Daddy, you guys pretty much let me get away with anything WITHIN reason. But was that enough for me? No way Jose. I always seem(ed) to want more than I'm given and I guess to some extent that hasn't changed much.
I think I might turn out to be a paranoid parent. Not letting my kids out because I'm terrified of the mischief they'd get up to. But you're right, there's only so much you can do as a parent.
If you really look at it, a huge majority of a child's life is spent away from his/her parents. From the time they begin school, the 'disciplinarian' roles shifts slight to the teachers, and when they start working, the bosses. Although the parent is still number 1 don't get me wrong, they tend to be the 'voice of your sub-conscious' more than the in-your-face dictator.
Ah.. I don't know mum, it's a scary prospect really. Cross fingers and promise you'll be there for me when I become a parent?
Dear Jess,
Just like you- i know nothing bout parenting or caring for a child. I do know however how I wanted to feel as a kid... and if my childhood experiences has backfired in a big way!! and no, as mad as i may seem now, it is not a manifestation of the way i was brought up. If anything, i would say it helped shape me.
Now I behave like a child, like you, as a form of therapy—it eases you of your stress and functions as a (momentary) escapism from the real world!!! I don’t do it consciously—it is like default setting. Haha!!
Either way, I think there is a whole world out there, waiting to be explored. And what best time to do then when you are young (at body and soul).
My 2 cents worth
Dashinee
Kids seem to grow up way too fast these days. There's really no rush. Just chill out and enjoy the journey. You have the rest of your life to grow up anyway.
Enjoying your youth is the best part of life!
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